This sucks..........

Yesterday I went for my annual pap smear and I had the pleasure of sitting near 2 different women with their babies.  Even though I've decieded to stop ttc-ing, I couldn't help but get a little sad.  Probably didn't help that there's pictures of ob/gyn and the proud parents with their newborn, everywhere throughout the office.  I thought this feeling would just magically go away, but I think my heart and mind are doing two different things.  Also doesn't help that I'm one of those women that EVERY month I know when I'm ovulating.  I get the pain in whichever ovary is releasing it's egg, aloing with the egg white discharge, and dare I say a little bit hornier during this time!  UUUGGGGHHH why won't this go away?!! Unexplained Infertility SUCKS......

I can't......

Well after yet another failed Clomid/IUI cycle, I'm finally at my breaking point.  We did our 2nd clomid/iui cycle starting in late August(you know for all the testing) and getting the negative pregnancy test phone call on Sept. 21.  I couldn't even cry when my nurse called to tell me.....I guess that's how beyond over this I am.  It doesn't help that I feel like we've wasted yet more money, time, and energy.  My doc wanted me to get a testerone and glucose test done.  My nurse called to let me know that everything was fine and normal, but yet again NO PREGNANCY!!!! I've decided to take a TOTAL break!! I'm going to focus on myself, be a better person, work out more, eat healthier, and try my hardest not to think about TTC.  I'm going back to school next semester and have decided to start a new business.  My new business has to do with TTC and I can't wait to get everything started so I can share it with you! I know. how can I stay away from TTC, but yet start a business about it?  I feel like I can be a voice and why waste it?!! If I can help just one person, not feel alone, feel like there is still hope, my dream has come true!! Look out for me.........GOD BLESS

NOT PREGNANT

On July 20 I got the worst phone call ever.  After doing our first IUI 2 weeks prior, having good progesterone levels a week prior, we got the phone call from RE office saying blood test was NEGATIVE.  WHAAATTTT how could this happen?!!! I serouisly had to hold on to the bed to keep from falling because I just couldn't understand.  Here's the thing with unexplained infertility...Everthing is normal, so you think(well at least I do) you do this "extra" push every test during the process is normal and timing seems correct, but yet still no pregnancy!!!!!!!!!! SIGH well we're still praying....we still TTC, and we refuse to give up!! I know it's in God's pland for us to conceive.

IUI and 2WW

Friday morning was IUI time!! I was excited, nervous, happy, sad, impatient, and so many other things going in. DH went in 2 hours before I did for his semen sample.  It had to be "washed" so that's why he went in a couple of hours before me.  When they wash the sperm they just take the best out of the sample given, to insure sperm has a greater chance of fertilizing the egg. Post wash DH had sperm count of 11 million!! RE informed me that was good and anything over 5 million is acceptable.  RE was excited to see egg white cervical mucus, which is a sign of ovulation coming, since Clomid is known for drying it up.  You just basically lay down as if you're getting a pap smear. The most annoying part was getting the speculum in and having it stay there for minutes.  The catheter hurt a little since it does have to go through cervix into uterus.  The coolest part and kinda weird was watching it through the ultrasound.  Actually got to see DH sperm being injected....during that time I don't think I've ever prayed so hard in my life!  For the most part it was easy, didn't take long and painless.  I was allowed to lay on table for 5-7mins after.  I was told I might has slight cramping and a little spotting, but neither should last more than a day or two.  I had both.  Cramping only lasted for a few hours, while my spotting continued into the next afternoon getting lighter until it stopped then.  I relaxed well and just tried to not think about it since.  I did go to work on Sunday night, so I had a couple of days of just cooling it lol.  I go in 7 days after IUI(which is Friday July 13) for yet more bloodwork.  This is to check my progesterone levels, to see if I ovulated, and to make sure I don't need a supplement.  You need a good level  of progesterone to sustain a pregnancy.  Good thing is my teenage nephews are visiting for a few weeks, so they'll keep me occupied and off of goggle lol.  Technology is the best and worse thing invented. I keep telling myself not to look up everything....instead I pray and keep my faith.  In my mind this worked and I'm just 9 months away from holding my mini DH lol.  A girl can dream right?!  Blessings to you all!

update

So I've been a little busy and haven't been updating here as I should, but here's the latest:

CD 13 which was July 3, I went in for a ultrasound and more bloodwork.  The tested LH surge, estidrol, and something else with bloodwork.  Everything came back normal!! For ultrasound they checked to make sure I responded to Clomid and did not have any cyst.  I had 3 follicles (YYYAAAAYYY) 1-20mm and 2-18mm on my right side and none on the left.  I was told to use OPK since they thought I would ovulate in next few days and to call when I got a positive and IUI would be the day after.  They also told me if I didn't get a positive OPK by Thursday to refill Rx they gave me for HcG shot.  Well Thursday morning came and no +OPK (BOOO) I went to CVS to have Rx filled.  It was $161!! Not only does infertility hurt emotionally, if insurance doesn't cover things it hurts your pockets as well. I went straight from CVS to RE and my nurse gave me the shot and IUI was schedule for Friday morning.  Now I'm not afraid of needles, but the aftermath was a very cruel joke lol.  The side effect was itching and soreness at the shot site.  Well it itched like crazy and every time I went to scratch, that's when I noticed the soreness(OUCH). Oh well, all for a good purpose.  I also had ovulation pain and alot of egg white cervical mucus(a good thing, I'll get to that later). Next up IUI!!!

Clomid

Yesterday was CD9 for me and my last dose of Clomid.  I took it Cd5-9 at approx. 6pm every night.  Nurse told me to try to keep taking it the same time everyday, which I did a really good job of keeping that up.  I took it in the evening hoping that if I did have any side effects I would sleep through them.  Well let's get to those side effects lol. It acutally wasn't too bad, CD 2, 3, and 5 I had light cramping, nothing serious, not even bad like period cramps.  CD 4 and 5 I had a few hot flashes during my sleep, but once again nothing that had me concerned or nervous.  CD 4 and 5 I also didn't sleep well, but not sure if that was the Clomid or just me.  I've heard of people having some side effects after the last dose, but so far nothing for me! I'm also just on CD10, so maybe that's why.  On Tuesday, which is CD 13, I go in for ultrasound and I  think bloodwork again. I will update after Tuesday's appointment:


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Day 3 testing

So on Friday morning I went in for my ultrasound and bloodwork.  The ultrasound went fine and I was able to meet one of the other Doctors at ACRM.  I had no cyst and everything looked normal!  Prior to going in, I had my blood taken, and was told I would get the results later in the day.  My mother is a nurse, so needles are NOT an issue for me.  My nurse was out, so the nurse that took my blood was so relieved that I was easy going on that part lol.  Even though I didn't have blood work results, I still walked out with Rx for clomid 50mg, but was told to wait until I received call for the instructions.  At about 1pm, the nurse called to inform me the my estrogen level was 29(from my understanding the lower the better) and I will start Clomid CD5-9.  There are 2 pills that must be taken at the same time.  She also informed me to try to take the pills at the same time everyday.  I asked if my over the counter allergy meds would be still ok to take.  She informed that it's fine(hey I just wanted to make sure!) and asked if I had any other questions.  I've decided that I will take my allergy and prenatal meds in the morning, my baby aspirin mid-day, and my clomid at about 6pm.  This way when I go to bed, if I do have any side effects, I will hopefully sleep through them(Well that's what I hope anyway). I will update either midway through clomid cycle or after I finish the cycle.....THIS IS MY MONTH!!!! I'm no longer worrying or having fear, I have faith and have left it in God's hands!